Sometimes, I think some rather random things. I don’t know if they are worth sharing or appropriate (well, the answer is probably a resounding “NO” on both counts there, actually), but, now they’re out there. And you can’t unread them. You’re welcome.
I hate that I can’t fully understand you. I hate that I don’t know what goes on inside of your head. I hate that I don’t know what to do. I hate that you won’t tell me. I hate that all I can do right now is exist. I hate that I can’t even be selfish enough not to care.
-Namakemono
Tag Archives: life
The Most Beautiful Dream, Ever.
Sometimes, I think some rather random things. I don’t know if they are worth sharing or appropriate (well, the answer is probably a resounding “NO” on both counts there, actually), but, now they’re out there. And you can’t unread them. You’re welcome.
Last night, I dreamed that I had a remote controlled fighter jet. I spent some time flying it around mastering the controls, and once I did, I climbed on top and I flew it over the ocean – past a huge waterfall, and towards a rock face. When I reached the rock face, I turned upwards and flew up, up, up, all the way to the top, above EVERYTHING. It was the top of the world; above the clouds, wispy and visible, but not completely opaque.
Growing at the top of the rock face was a large tree, a life tree which passed all the vitality of the universe down to the earth, collecting it through its natural processes, and channeling this energy through its massive roots. I flew up some more, to the very top of the tree; the edge of existence. As I sat on a branch at the top of the tree, no longer needing the jet, I relinquished control and it disappeared into the distance. I breathed in deeply the freshest air I had ever taken in. I sat and caught glimpses of the sky over this huge expanse above the world, and looked back towards the massive tree, too overwhelmed to take a proper look at how far up I had come – the sight simply felt too grand for my mind!
As I did this, a presence made itself known somewhere amongst the tangle of branches and leaves. I couldn’t see it, but its voice was very clear, and tremendously present. It asked why I gave up control of the jet; I responded that I had reached my goal, and no longer needed it for what I was planning to do. I pulled out my phone, edged closer and closer off the branch towards the expanse of the world below me – right up to the very point of balance where if I tipped slightly forward I would be unable to retain my perch – and took a picture of the scene before me. I didn’t look, because I was too afraid that my eyes couldn’t contain the grand spectacle they would see, and so for now the photo would have to do. The presence asked me, “Why are you afraid? You no longer need the jet to fly,” and at that moment I realized that the photo was not for myself; I didn’t take it to look at the void from the safety of my perch; I took it to share the awe of what I was about to see with a world of people who had never come as far as I did.
I was terrified, anticipating the overwhelming rush of sensations that I would feel shortly. Despite this, I couldn’t keep myself from leaning ever more precariously forward. Still scared that my eyes couldn’t contain what they would come across, I closed them, and pushed off into the nothing; I was now over the void, above the world; at the highest point of existence willfully hurtling downwards.
Having thrown caution to the wind, I was now determined to see what I had been afraid to look at up until this point. I opened my eyes. The expanse before me produced within me an intensely lilliputian sensation; I felt like the most insignificant speck of dust against such an immaculate backdrop. Yet I WAS THERE, very alive, and very present. Though they were overwhelmed, my eyes had performed wonderfully, and I felt proud of their ambition to hold EVERYTHING. I closed them and settled into the rush downwards, focusing on my other senses; the acute smell of the wind; the delicate prickle of touches to my body; the piercing silence. My heart pumped all the adrenaline my body had in one shot and time stood still for this one, unending moment of falling. Where I was above everyone, everything, everywhere. I was satisfied.
Perhaps the best part of this lovely dream was waking from it. Still not quite realizing that it was a dream, I reached for my phone to look at the incredible image I had taken at the edge of existence. Understandably, the image didn’t exist. Disappointingly, the image didn’t exist. Encouragingly, the image, the whole experience, was still garishly vivid in my mind. Encouragingly, the image was still there to be taken, once again.
-Namakemono
Random Thought Of The Day: What’s The Point Of It All?
Sometimes, I think some rather random things. I don’t know if they are worth sharing or appropriate (well, the answer is probably a resounding “NO” on both counts there, actually), but, now they’re out there. And you can’t unread them. You’re welcome.
There are times when the deepest pocket of the furthest corner of the darkest hole in the thick of the belly of the middle of nowhere is just not far-gone enough.
So what then? Call the whole thing off, so to speak? After all, distance and disconnect mean nothing to a dead man.
No, one can never call death a true victory. There is no pleasure in death. No relief. No peace. There is only a never-ending nothing, a void bereft of absolution, and death is absolutely irrelevant if one desires only this.
There are still pleasures to be had, even in this all-too-imperfect pocket. The smell of a long blade of grass snapped in two; the perfect feeling of the sun on your face in that split second before the warmth becomes overwhelming; that slight chill that runs through your body as a pressure shift precedes a storm.
The pain that develops in your ears from sound waves too loud to ever be safe. The dull, persistent stinging in your eyes that comes from staring at everything which captivates you. The stupor induced by a sleep that has ended far too soon.
Et al.
Live for these. Seek them out, and allow them to wrap a smile onto your face. It will eventually become your default mode of expression.
When the deepest pocket of the furthest corner of the darkest hole in the thick of the belly of the middle of nowhere is simply not far-gone enough, stop running. And when you do, try to understand this one simple fact:
Your life is the extremely unlikely yet fortunate result of several coincidences coalescing. The very insignificance of your life itself is its significance. Every part of you could just as soon be space dust. Relish the fact that for a brief moment of time, instead of space dust, you happened.
-Namakemono
Namakemono no Manifesto 